Background
Hila Blum was born and raised in Jerusalem. She has also lived in Hawaii and New York. Her first novel The Visit was shortlisted for the Sapir Prize in 2012. How to Love Your Daughter won the prize in 2022. Before publishing her own work, she worked as an editor.
What the Book is About
How to Love Your Daughter is about an estranged mother and daughter. Told from the perspective of the mother, Yoella, she recounts memories of her daughter growing up, trying to put the pieces together that might explain why she left as an adult without so much as a farewell.
The book starts with Yoella standing across the street from her daughter’s home, staring through the window to catch a glimpse of her granddaughters, who she never met. Her daughter’s silence and emotional distance baffle her. There is no explanation for it. She loved her endlessly and gave her a life that from the outside, no one could blame her for giving. There wasn’t a second that went by where her daughter wasn’t given the unconditional love and attention she deserved. And yet—she’s no longer part of her life.
What I liked
The book is a meditation on what it means to be a mother. The first-person narrator demonstrates an intimacy with her daughter that is unique to the relationship between mother and daughter. Throughout the story, I was continually floored by the almost agonizing degree of love the main character was able to exhibit. The way she describes sitting in the parking lot for over an hour waiting for her daughter to come home from school, just to make sure she was okay, is an experience that most of us won’t understand. And that’s what I found most impressive about this book: how it brings us into the world of a mother, how her love is so all-consuming that she is willing to do anything, even lie, to ensure their child is safe.
The tone is solemn and at times sorrowful. The character is understandably overwrought, anxious, depressed at times, and agonizingly in love with her daughter to the point where we start to believe that this is what drove her away. But this is the mother’s tragedy, her plight—that despite her love, her children are destined to leave and grow out of their need for it. But the mother keeps on loving, no matter what.
What I Didn’t Like
At a point, the mother’s love became exhausting, and I started to understand why the daughter wanted nothing more to do with her mother. She was willing to lie, hurting someone else in the process of protecting her daughter. In some circumstances, a noble sacrifice, but in the instance I’m referring to, I found it irritating and unreasonable. This isn’t a knock on the actual plot, though. This is more of a reaction to something negative in the story. Overall, I highly recommend this book.
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